“What happened to subjects 1-5?”
“I believed the university settled with them out of court.”
“What’s purple and runs in ring zero?”
“I wish the toaster to be happy, too.”
“values of β will give rise to dom!”
“If it were possible, there would be a word for it.”
“Beep beep beep, beep beep beep? I’ve never heard that one before.”
“You alarm me! I feel faint—give me a ham sandwich!”
“That’s the effect of living backwards: it always makes one a little giddy at first.”
“Make a remark: it’s ridiculous to leave all conversation to the pudding!”
“It was the best butter.”
“That’s the reason they’re called lessons: because they lessen from day to day.”
“Well, you can be one of them, then, and I’ll be all the rest.”
“A knot! Oh, do let me help to undo it!”
“When I make a word to do a lot of work like that, I always pay it extra.”
“The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday – but never jam to-day.”
“These numbers are absurdly large! Who ordered this many protons anyway?”
“Carl Sagan stole all the apples for Flatland.”
“It’s not a superacid! ... It’s the Robin Hood of hydrogen distribution.”
“And three thousand people ate one strawberry.”
“help T_COMMA i T_SINGLE_QUOTE m stuck in a tokenizer T_EXCLAM”
“Have I lied to you? I mean, in this room?”
“Which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.”
“When I’m sitting here with you, I don’t even think about the slime people.”
“Why be a man when you can be a success?”
“Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!”
“You bet your sweet Telex operator it is!”
“Am I CONSing yet?!”
“This wound won’t be fatal unless you’re allergic to tomato sauce.”
“You can’t do that in horizontal mode.”
“Free sandwiches for quantum physicists.”
“You open the trunk, revealing your laundry. There are 69,105 pieces of laundry here.”
“That’s not very masculine—they don’t even have flagella.”
“Once you pull the pin from Mr. Grenade, he is no longer your friend.”
DZY001E - ABEND ERROR 01 S 14F4 203C AABB.
“Put your analyst on danger money, baby.”
“They are supposed to maintain operations on each ship, not vomit metaphysics.”
“Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn’t have a good answer to.”
“What’s the difference between Java and .NET?”
“Java was paved with good intentions.”
“If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use—two strong oxen, or 1024 chickens?”
“Non-determinism means never having to say you’re wrong.”
“It’s down. It’s hosed. It’s a mutex and you’re excluded.”
“When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.”
“For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.”
“I have seen the future, and it does not work.”
“And the Lucas Shift is when acting went from 3D to 2D.”
“Two entire dimensions of acting? Meesa don’t tink so!”
“I don’t care what it is, when it has an LCD screen, it makes it better.”
“An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.”
“A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.”
“Please help keep the world clean: others may wish to use it.”
“How did the regular expression cross the road?”
“^.*$”
“Why was Stonehenge abandoned?”
“It wasn’t IBM compatible.”
“If it isn’t evil, why did they get H. R. Giger to design it?”
“Dad, are you space?”
“Yes. Now we are a family again.”
“Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.”
“The square root of rope is string.”
“I am not drunk! I paid a lot of money to learn to walk ‘like that.’ ”
“Even the largest, most stubborn boulder may seem lenient in a munitions factory.”
“You’re very clever young man, very clever. But it’s turtles all the way down!”
“The entire hallway may smell like burning popcorn, but only the autoclave room reeks of butter.”
“Maintenance is what distinguishes us from reptiles and lawn furniture.”
“The ketchup of sorrow is better than the mustard of happiness.”
“The further you get, the better it looks.”
“Ave Discordia.”
“Look! Look with your special eyes!”
“Klaatu barada nikto.”
“And if we don’t stop it, the whole world will soon smell like your socks!”
“Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.”
“If that was supposed to be a term of affection, then I’ll have you know I’m not affected.”
“The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you don’t get them.”
“Back off, man. I’m a scientist.”
“No gifts! Want science!”
“That’s like the pot calling the kettle a pot.”
“Why do I feel an overpowering urge to synchronize my watch?”
“Where the heck do you keep all of your clothing?! Your closet is nothing but floor-to-ceiling skeletons!”
“William of Ockham had no beard. The most likely explanation is that it was chewed off by squirrels each morning.”
“Archery—hmm. Smithing—hmm. Don’t need ’em. Yep, yep. Go to space. Space, heh. Only skill you need.”
“Hey—level up! Go to space. Around here somewhere. Keep looking.”
“Everything’s better when it’s two feet diagonally.”
“It’s like a regular beacon, but with fifty percent less salt.”
“Wow... 640K and MS–DOS.”
“Well, I’ve, uh, been working on this for six months! I’m, uh, writing a macro. For your birthday.”
“We view software engineering as following a cycle of four phases: development, development, management, and prevention.”
“In the end, we conclude.”
“The reason for this is that studies have shown that mean time since 1967 is roughly 77% higher than we might expect.”
“Back to the drawing board. In fact, maybe we should draw up plans for a new drawing board.”
“Don’t be discouraged. It only encourages them.”
“I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”
“I guess their fancy internal skeletons don’t support basic manners.”
“You have a regrettably large head! I would very much like to hat it!”
“Show me a universe that contains more than 1080 nucleotides, and we‘ll talk about your stupid E values.”
“Let us die, and charge into the thick of the produce aisle.”
“Honestly, I don’t think they’re right-handed or left-handed. They’re just dogs.”
“You can do this in a number of ways. IBM chose to do all of them. ... Why do you find that funny?”
“Alice locks her signed copy of the book in the chest with her lock. She sends the chest to Bob. He slaps his lock on it, and sends the chest back to Alice. She correctly interprets this as a big middle finger from Bob, and takes a chainsaw to open up the chest and get her damn book back since he obviously doesn’t want it.”
“The term ‘piracy’ when it refers to making unauthorized duplications of a copyrighted work is actually in reference to how pirates used to board merchant ships and make exact copies of everything on board, leaving the crew and cargo unharmed, but devaluing the goods slightly.”
“In 1869 the waffle iron was invented, much to the delight of those suffering from wrinkled waffles.”
“Don’t wear the hats! It’s patient data!”
“That thing is probably some sort of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.”
“So. How are you holding up? ... BECAUSE I’M A POTATO.”
“Burning people! He says what we’re all thinking!”
“Still. It’s a better plan than exploding. Marginally.”
“It does everything a normal telephone does, but ruggedly.”
“It may be perfect, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.”