Anthologica Universe Atlas / Forums / Scriptorium / Eternal Summer / <!>Eternal Summer (2014-10-03 15:15:53)
The rest:
- sceptical about déyú—maybe it was meant to be desyú?
- "Aléfarha apassa kúekhtía surrepòsa da?" = "If I find darkness within doing [presumably everyday affairs]?" The phrase 'to find darkness' is a bit euphemistic and weak, as it sounds, so let's try making up something stronger... "Suryú múrthòsaia hé mokasòsaia venassa Sabta da?" = "If I burn and wither under the sun?"
- "liti" [during] -> "witi" [when] would be stronger; "les" only suggests things happen at some point during the events (day and might) named, whereas "wes" implies simultaneous duration
- "Alíegíldta da?" (flee-2.SG.FUT Q) — consider throwing in nai (could) or dai (would) enclitics here; a statement so literal is almost accusatory. Also, this was recently added.
- "Enzyú mityerezírha vá súnarha essísethòssa" [only one.[typo; should be mít]-more-F.SG.ACC be-3.SG.PRS which-F.SG.ACC must-introduce-1.SG.[typo; should be òsa]] should be something like "Enzyú mi yi vitaqra súnán essíëthísa" [only one more statement-FN.SG.ACC which-FN.SG.GEN must-say-1.SG.LIQ". Numeric prefixes aren't usable as quantifiers when employed directly, the being verb was simply unnecessary, yay genitives, and sethé ("to introduce") is a wee bit pompous. Incidentally, the Ketalán accent seems to make words containing lots of <s> and <θ> into a rather agonizing tongue-twister.
- sceptical about déyú—maybe it was meant to be desyú?
- "Aléfarha apassa kúekhtía surrepòsa da?" = "If I find darkness within doing [presumably everyday affairs]?" The phrase 'to find darkness' is a bit euphemistic and weak, as it sounds, so let's try making up something stronger... "Suryú múrthòsaia hé mokasòsaia venassa Sabta da?" = "If I burn and wither under the sun?"
- "liti" [during] -> "witi" [when] would be stronger; "les" only suggests things happen at some point during the events (day and might) named, whereas "wes" implies simultaneous duration
- "Alíegíldta da?" (flee-2.SG.FUT Q) — consider throwing in nai (could) or dai (would) enclitics here; a statement so literal is almost accusatory. Also, this was recently added.
- "Enzyú mityerezírha vá súnarha essísethòssa" [only one.[typo; should be mít]-more-F.SG.ACC be-3.SG.PRS which-F.SG.ACC must-introduce-1.SG.[typo; should be òsa]] should be something like "Enzyú mi yi vitaqra súnán essíëthísa" [only one more statement-FN.SG.ACC which-FN.SG.GEN must-say-1.SG.LIQ". Numeric prefixes aren't usable as quantifiers when employed directly, the being verb was simply unnecessary, yay genitives, and sethé ("to introduce") is a wee bit pompous. Incidentally, the Ketalán accent seems to make words containing lots of <s> and <θ> into a rather agonizing tongue-twister.