ROUND ONE

It is Spring, 1901

You have 48 hours.

Orders Due: 22:00 UTC 2014/11/19

FIGHT!

I actually feel this arrangement is perfect based on relative skill levels

Aaand the image doesn't get through my school's firewall. Which country am I?

Perhaps this will explain, Newt.

since nobody wants to write it down anywhere stable:

pthag.co.uk
dhok.de
miekko.fr
nae.at
newt.ru
Anguipes.tr
radius.it

and theophorus.biz

I think when you're the government, you just get a .uk. Or a .gov.uk, perhaps.

End I vould sayink theophorus.int, but dat es just me.

Quit always telling me what to do, DESPOT!

quoting Коммерса́нтъ:

Pthagnar installed as head of English government. This song goes viral via Ходорко́вский Media upon his installation.

Ходорко́вский expands Tulip horticulture industry into Turkey with investment from Sultana Anguipes.

New survey shows Turkey middle class thriving; Balkans hungry to join empire for world-class living standards.

Well, I guess someone had to be Italy.

Slow lingering death, here I come! Just like IRL.

WHOOPEE!

I go with Switzerland!

Is never vinnink Svitzerlend! Is foolish of you! Go instead vith Glorious Russiya!

All hailink Tsar Njut'!

*throws bomb*

quoting Коммерса́нтъ:

Europe unsettled after Portugal bombing by transgendered terrorists

Scotland Yard investigating political motives and affiliations

France tells Queen Pthagnar to keep S.Y. on his side of the canal

Leaders across Europe denounce Russian Tsar's flamboyant display of nationalism as "dangerous" and "unnecessary"

Reports: Even Il Duce hates Italy

Yes because when a bomb is thrown in the vicinity of a Russian czar the locale immediately thought of is Portugal…

also *smacks Zayk upside the head*

I didn't realized it was aimed at someone in particular. It was sort of vague, but I can see how you indicated it.

quoting Коммерса́нтъ:

Investigation into Latvia bombing by terrorist organization Nessari continues

Scotland Yard determines Nessari not responsible for Portugal bombings; actual assailants elusive, likely copycat bombing

Fixed.

POTATO BOMBS

Tsar Njut' appears in front of a large flag bearing his face. It's hard to understand what he's saying, due to the Russian national anthem blasting at an unreasonable volume.

Subjugated serfs of glorious Russiyan Moderlend! Is me, your Fearless Leader!

A chorus of trumpets clashes horribly with the background-er, foreground-music.

You may hearink reports of bombink of Glorious Russiyan Protecterate of Latviya! But are false rumors! Is dangerous propogenda for demoralizink of populace from subveersive Portuguiyan homosexuel terrorists!

A photo of the prime minister of Spain, badly photoshopped to be wearing a niqāb and carrying a sign reading "I ЭМ КILLIИК GLØЯIØUS ЯUSSIУАИS!", is shown.

So now we takink action! I em declarink war on Portugal!

—Tsar Njut'