quoting Russian Njus':Having recovered smuggled vodka, drunk Sevastopol navy fails to notice invading Turkish fleet
Furious tsar mysteriously loses voice, English ambassador Yozhikov takes over representing Russia
Rumanian economy shattered, populace weakened; Russian government official statement: "suck it up"
BREAKING: "Moose and squirrel" apprehended by KGB
quoting Tercüman-ı Hakikat:Austro-Turkish alliance sealed: "looked like a good idea at the time", "definitely not a long term ploy to foster grass-roots sympathy in former Ottoman territories".
Troops in Greece ordered not to fraternise with locals over fears that military incompetence may be contagious.
Naval force triumphantly enters the Aegean without resistance, all give thanks for this blessing from Allah.
Bulgarian emissaries request at least token force on borders, instead given nargiles and cannabis and told to chill out.
Foray into Sevastopol a failure, forces too