quoting Коммерса́нтъ:

Tsar Njut' seizes Kiev; hogs Black Sea.

Queen's Navy to 'protect Norwegian neighbors' from Germans. Norwegian neighbors insist they don't care.

Return of Murad III? Constantinople distracted by Tulips, Anguipes spotted playing with puppies during prayers.

Riots erupt in Lisboa after Belém Tower bomb; second bomb has populace pleading for protection.

Austria anticipates Italian land grab; Fleet deflects Venetian invaders.

The Dutch scared shitless as proxy war looms.