quoting Russian Njus':

"Greatest anachronism of the new century": Russian advance into Kiev compared to 21st century president Putin

Njut's response: " Vladimir Putin is only takink dminuitiv Crimea. I em takink all of Ukranian Territory! Long live Glorious Russiya!"

Turkey runs afowl: Shocking scandal shows Sultana's secret shenanigans

Large shipment of Moskovskaya vodka stolen, furious tsar demands naval action against "subversiv Portuguiyan homosexuel terrorists"