quoting Tercüman-ı Hakikat:

Sevastopol explodes as numerous vodka stocks set alight; thousands more tons "unaccounted for".

Italian fleets move on southeast Mediterranean sparking fears of Franco-Italian naval invasion.  Admirals reply "It's only Italy, what are they going t... oh shit."

Bulgarian U-turn over military presence, now considered "bad vibes", "a real downer".

March on Moscow fails, army drunk overconfident.