It's 25 after 4 in the morning. I can't sleep. So I make the mistake I somehow always do when this happens: click on whatever random youtube video was linked last in irc
+yeah it's usually Slereah or on a forum or, wherever, someplace
1, and then end up inadvertently linkjumping from that to paranormal videos when while not completely freaking me out make me give serious multiple-minute consideration to the question:
Do I want to turn around ever again?+Also under consideration is sealing my doorframe with towels, and closing the window has a strong contingent advocating it but is currently being filibustered by the fiercely-whispering but that means pushing the curtain back for 3 seconds! faction.
I don't even know why I'm awake.
2 In two and a half hours I'll have been up for a full 24, hopefully I don't make it. Iunno. I get pretty analytical and rambling at times like this…not usually terribly usefully analytical unfortunately, tho my initial hour of tossing and turning in bed did yield a quite welcome insight I've been trying to crack.
+Relationships, they are hard. Hopefully this insight works out.
I'm almost glad no one's in the room with me
+almost., because I'd probably let out an unholy screech
3 if someone said something or touched me right now, but then again if someone was in the room with me I probably wouldn't have this problem. I certainly could have a different one, but I really think I'd be in a much better mental state with almost any other problem likely to occur in that situation.
4
I used to think life didn't throw any more at you than you could handle, even if it's a stretch. I don't anymore. I'm holding out hope that it throwing too much to handle at you happens, but just enough to overwhelm you into resetting priorities and/or changing direction to where you're supposed to be so it can start tossing things to you that you
want to catch. Hopefully that turns out to be the case. At any rate, I'm probably making very little sense by this point, so I think I'll close this little solilloquy off and try to get some shut-eye with my two little girls. Sure they're only plush kitties, but they're the only thing that will sleep with me at this point
+that's what she said5, and I love stuffed animals
This is addle-minded Nessie for the Annie Unsolicited Broadcasting Combine
6, signing off to the mattress for the night!
+This explains anxiety far better than I've ever seen heard or been able to. Read it._________________________
1. here! there! over yonder!
2. of course I have several theories, what self-respecting geek wouldn't at this stage, but they all have pretty severe flaws in them.
3. and jump at least a foot from a sitting position with my legs underneath a desk, which I don't consider too shabby.
4. more than likely involving excess body heat. I'm a freaking furnace when asleep for some reason :/
5. restful slumber only, you sick-minded fucks!
6. ↄ⃝ 2014.