quoting Rhetorica, Kelatetía: Dis, Major Belt 1:

Five notes repeated thirteen times? Please tell me Sinemi civilization was obliterated by someone else achieving a cultural victory. I'm digging the imagery, Matrix, but the musical setting deserves to be sunk to the bottom of the ocean. ... At least twice. I also think you may have tortured syllable stress a bit too much to fit your verse; assuming the macrons indicate stress, those words simply don't fit that rhythm very well. (Of course, no one's stopping you from constructing a scansion-ignorant or scansion-avoiding culture, but... well...)